Bestest Friends Forever
by Naasad
Summary: Caboosington collection, primarily asexual or queerplatonic relationship. Warning: Canon-typical swearing. Also contains background Grimmons and Carwash siblings.
1. Go The Fuck To Sleep

Wash sighed and scrubbed his hands down his face. "Caboose-."

Caboose shook his head. "I am not sleepy."

"Oh, come on, Wash," Tucker said. "He's a grown ass man, he can take care of himself."

Wash raised an eyebrow.

Tucker threw his hands up in the air and walked away. "Whatever."

Wash sighed and settled on the bed next to Caboose. "I know you're not feeling tired, but we have this opportunity and we need to be ready for anything."

Caboose crossed his arms and pouted. "Church never made me go to bed."

Wash flinched. "I know. I'm not him. But when he was here, you were locked in a permanent stalemate with people who are now your friends. The place we're in now, we have enemies."

Caboose just shook his head.

Wash bit his lip to keep from groaning and thrashing around in frustration. "Caboose…."

"When I sleep bad things happen."

Wash froze at that. "Bad things like what? Nightmares?"

Caboose drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself. "That too. And Church left."

Wash nodded and leaned back, propping his arm on his knee. "When I was on the Mother of Invention – with Project Freelancer – they tried to put Epsilon in my head."

Caboose listed sideways, leaning his head against Wash's shoulder.

"I remember being awake for the surgery and then Epsilon in my head and he was…. They'd told him I was dead, but I wasn't, and he realized what they were doing to the Alpha. It was too much for him. He tried to kill himself while he was still in my head. It hurt. I was unconscious in the hospital for months and when I woke up…." Wash took a deep breath. "When I woke up all my friends were dead or gone. Carolina, Maine, Tex, York, North, South, Wyoming, Florida…. They just – They had good reasons, but they still left me. So I understand. I get it."

Caboose was silent for a moment. "If I go to sleep, will you stay with me?"

Wash perched his chin in his hands, thinking. "Yes," he finally said.

Caboose moved to lay down on his side and pulled Wash behind him, entwining their fingers.

Wash sighed and tugged Caboose closer, resting his nose in the crook of his neck. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Caboose closed his eyes and in a few moments, his breathing evened out and deepened with sleep.

Wash found himself following not much later.


	2. Birthday Brownies

Wash woke with a start. He stood as still as possible, keeping his breathing regulated, listening for what had woken him.

There was a crash after a second.

In an instant, Wash was on his feet, gun in hand. His socked feet made barely any noise as he snuck toward the source of the noise. He cleared Tucker's room and the common room and was about to head to Caboose's quarters when he noticed a light on in the kitchen. He sighed and put away his weapon, coming to lean on the doorframe.

Caboose looked up from the floor, frowning. "I was being very quiet," he said.

Wash smiled and pulled him to his feet. "Yes, you were. What were you doing in here?"

Caboose scuffed his toe on the tile. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

Wash lead him to the sink and started washing the flour and chocolate off his nose.

"You were sad today."

At that, David paused, washcloth perched right on the bridge of Caboose's nose. "You noticed?"

Caboose nodded and sneezed.

Wash sighed and turned the cloth inside out before continuing. "I thought I was hiding it."

"Tucker did not notice," Caboose said. "I did not tell him, either. But I wanted to make brownies in case you were sad again tomorrow. Brownies make people less sad."

"Today, now," Wash mumbled, checking the chronometer. "Thanks, Caboose."

Caboose shrugged. "What were you sad about?"

David shook his head. "That's not important."

Caboose grabbed his hand gently and took the washcloth from him, draping it over the sink before entwining their fingers. "It made you sad, so it was important to you."

David shrugged. "It was my birthday."

Caboose frowned. "Birthdays are happy days."

Wash shook his head. "Not always. My dad didn't really like me and my mom died when I was little. And my big sister…. Well. We never celebrated my birthday."

"That is sad," Caboose said. He tilted his head like he was considering something, then leaned down and kissed Wash. "We should make brownies for your birthday. And I will find you the bestest present tomorrow."

David chuckled and held him close. "Making brownies with you would be the best present ever." He turned to the mess and sighed. "But we're going to have to clean this up if we're going to make them right."

Caboose grinned and kissed him again before turning to clean and promptly tripping, sending a bag of flour and its contents flying everywhere.

David sighed and picked up his boyfriend. "On second thought, where's the fun in that? Plenty of time for cleaning afterwards."


	3. Sleepy Kitty

Caboose shivered and rolled over, bumping into some sort of solid mass. He drew his arms around himself, looking for the blankets. After a rather frustrating, still half asleep minute, he looked up and found Wash buried in them.

Mike just giggled and stretched over, planting a kiss square in the middle of Wash's forehead.

The Freelancer's nose wrinkled, then his face scrunched, and finally he opened one eye and rolled over. "What's wrong?"

Caboose shrugged. "Nothing is wrong. I am cold though."

Wash looked down sleepily at the blankets he was wrapped in and slowly wormed his way out of half of them, offering them to his partner.

Caboose grinned and pulled Wash closer and tugged the covers around them both.

Wash hummed sleepily and promptly lost consciousness, a hand wrapped around Caboose's hip.

Mike simply smiled and buried his nose in David's hair.


	4. BFFs

Wash could feel Caboose tossing and turning behind him. Occasionally, he'd get hit with a stray arm or leg, immediately followed by a mumbled "sorry". Finally, he sighed and turned over to face his partner. "What's going on, Caboose?"

Caboose pursed his lips and frowned. "Grif and Simmons are going to get married."

"Okay." Wash pushed a stray hair out of Caboose's face. "Why is that bugging you?"

Caboose huffed, holding his breath as he thought. "They are getting married because they have been together for a very long time." Mikey caught David's hand and started playing with his fingers, tracing patterns on his palm. "We have been together for a very long time."

Wash took a deep breath, thinking carefully.

"I want you to be happy, but I do not want to get married, but I do not want you to leave me behind if you do, but I-."

Wash wiped away the tears gathering in Caboose's eyes. "It's okay," he murmured, resting their foreheads together. "I'm okay with not getting married. I'm never going to leave you behind, okay?"

Caboose nodded, sniffling. "Okay." He threw his arms around David and held him close.

"Okay." David ran his knuckles down Caboose's spine. "The important thing is that we stay together. Marriage doesn't make that more or less. It's just fancy words and parties and cake and taxes."

Caboose wrinkled his nose. "You like fancy words."

David chuckled and kissed his forehead. "I guess I do. We can do that without marriage though, hm? Is that okay?"

Mikey worried his lip with his teeth, then nodded.

"Alright," David said. "Michael James Caboose, I promise never to leave you behind and to always watch after you and take care of you, no matter what."

Mikey smiled. "And now it's my turn?"

David nodded.

Mikey thought for a moment, then opened his mouth to speak. "Agent David Nehemiah Church Washington, I promise to always try to make you smile and make you sleep without nightmares and remember your birthday and talk to you when you are sad and love you forever and ever." He frowned solemnly, then leaned forward and kissed him. "They do that, too, right?"

David smiled and tugged Caboose minutely closer. "They do. And there we go, that's fancy words taken care of, and the rest we don't have to worry about. Now we're…." He struggled for words.

"Bestest friends forever," Caboose said. He pulled Wash's left hand up for inspection. "People won't know."

Wash thought for a moment, then reached under his bed and pulled out a pair of plastic jigsaw necklaces. "Tucker told me to give you this for your birthday, but I wanted to get something better so I just saved it. I think it'll work for this, though."

Caboose gingerly touched the brightly colored pendants and smiled. "They make a heart. That is so cute. I want the yellow one." He pushed the blue half toward Wash.

Wash chuckled and draped the thin cord over Caboose's head, letting his hand rest on the nape of his neck.

"You have to wear yours." Caboose tucked his half underneath his shirt and tried to wrangle Wash's over his growing beard.

"Easy," Wash chuckled, assisting and placing his over his heart, shielding it with his hand. "There we go."

Caboose grinned and grabbed his hand again. "Forever."

Wash nodded. "Forever."

~O~

 _ **A/N: Hey, there! After I published Strange Magic, I noticed there was a distinct lack of Caboosington fics, and at the moment I have quite the need. So. This collection is also going to be part of my Camp NaNo word count. This chapter (excluding author's note) brings the total to 10k words exactly for all my projects. Only 40k left! And I still have 27 days.**_

 _ **Read, review, just no flames, please.**_

 _ **Namarie!**_


	5. Accidents Happen Now and Again

**_Prompt: Waking up in the hospital_**

 ** _A/N: I have never ever woken up in a hospital before, but please accept this shitty attempt._**

~O~

Wash squirmed. He never remembered his sheets being this scratchy. Something tickled the back of his throat and he shot up, panicking. He grabbed hold of the feeding tube and – remembering at the last second to cough – pulled it out of his stomach.

"Agent Washingtub!"

Wash looked up to see Caboose and he grinned sleepily. "Hey, Mikey. Didn't I tell you to call me David?"

Caboose pursed his lips and swallowed, nodding. "I will get Tucker," he said, and moved to unlock the door.

Tucker immediately barged through. "Caboose! I told you-!" He paused, seeing Wash. "Oh, hey, you're alive."

Wash snorted and flung the tube as far away from him as possible.

"Hey, quit throwing things!" Tucker snapped, picking it up. He took a deep breath and ran a hand down his face. "Sorry, it's been quite the ride without you here."

"How long?"

Tucker winced. "Nearly three weeks now. Kimball flew in Doctor Grey so Doc wouldn't kill you."

Caboose swallowed and looked to the floor, shuffling his feet.

"How much do you remember?" Tucker asked.

Wash shook his head. "I was in Sarge's workshop?"

Tucker nodded. "Yeah, and then someone pushed one volatile compound into another and we got a flameless explosion." He glared pointedly at Caboose.

Wash winked at him. "Tucker did it, didn't he?"

Caboose shook his head frantically.

Wash frowned. "Hey, Tucker, could we have a minute?"

Tucker glanced between the two of them and sighed. "Nothing strenuous. I'll go lie to the doc and tell her that her patient is still very much unconscious."

Once Tucker was out of sight, Wash reached for Caboose. "Come here, Mikey."

Caboose shook his head and rocked back on his heels.

"Why not?" Wash asked gently.

"I might hurt you again," Caboose mumbled. Tears started to stream down his face. "You were dead, and the machines were keeping you alive and they wanted to turn off the machines but I wouldn't let them but you were still dead and I made you dead just like I made Church dead but you weren't coming back."

"It was an accident," Wash said. "I'm almost completely healed, look at me. I just need my Mikey cuddles and I'll be back to normal."

Caboose shook his head and looked back down at his feet. "I am a bad boyfriend for you. Or anyone."

"Who said so?" Wash asked, feeling his heart break.

"I said so." Caboose sniffled. "I do not want you to be dead and not come back. I do not want to make you be dead and not come back either."

Wash sighed and reached for Caboose again. "Please come here?"

Caboose gnawed on his lip until it bled and finally, gingerly put his hand in Wash's.

The Freelancer kissed his knuckles and tugged him even closer. "You're the best boyfriend ever," Wash said. "Of all time."

Caboose shook his head. "Grif and Simmons do not make eachother dead."

"Yeah, but I don't want Grif or Simmons or anyone like them." Wash kissed Caboose's palm. "I love you. You made a mistake. Not your fault."

Caboose sniffled and wiped his nose on the back of his other hand. "You were fixing my necklace."

Wash froze. "That was supposed to be a surprise."

"Sorry," Caboose sobbed. "Sorry, sorry. I did not know I wasn't supposed to look at it! I can pretend!"

Wash sat up with a grunt and pulled Caboose into his arms. "I'm happy you saw it."

Caboose sobbed and clenched his arms at his sides.

"It's okay," Wash murmured, rubbing circles on Caboose's shoulders. "You can hug me back, Mikey. Please? I won't break."

"But what if you do?"

"I won't," Wash said. "I promise. Do you trust me?"

Caboose nodded and wrapped his arms around Wash's waist.

"I'm gonna lean back now, okay?" Wash said. He waited for Caboose to nod and then laid back down, pulling Caboose on top of him. "There we go, that's much better." He kissed Mikey's forehead and kept rubbing his back until he cried himself to sleep. "Much better."


	6. Birthday Cuddles

Caboose snuck around the corner, ducking down just in time to avoid being seen. He waited with baited breath for the threat to move on, then carefully tip-toed to the correct door, pushing it open soundlessly. He snuck toward his target, keeping his center of gravity low, and then pounced.

Wash flailed awake, reaching for the light and for his pistol before recognizing the voice in his ear screaming "Wake up David! Wake up!"

David groaned, scrubbing his face with his hands. "What is it, Mikey?"

Mikey grinned. "It's your birthday!"

Wash frowned and glanced at his chronometer. "Oh, it is. And why are we up at zero hours?

Mikey laughed. "Silly David! I just said. It's your birthday."

"Right," David grunted. "Hey, can you…?"

Mikey slid off of David and into the space between him and the wall. "Is that better?" he asked, staring up at him in adoration.

David squirmed uncomfortably. "I guess?"

Caboose huffed and draped his arm over David's chest.

Wash relaxed into the familiar touch. "So what are we doing for my birthday?"

"Well, first we are cuddling, because you really like that," Caboose said. "Then we are getting you coffee." He made a face. "Then we are going shopping because I do not know what you want for your birthday, then we are having a picnic, then we are doing more shopping or, if we already have gotten your present, we are doing more cuddling, then we are having dinner and desert." He thought for a moment, then nodded with finality. "And that is it, because I know that is a lot for you."

David chuckled. "That sounds awesome, but I still have to ask. Why exactly did we have to get up at zero hours to start cuddling?"

Caboose shook his head. "Oh, you are not trying to understand! It is your birthday. It is the whole day. And I want to spend it with you so I can make sure you are happy the whole day long. Agent Carolina said you have not had a happy birthday since you were a baby, so I have to fix that."

Wash carded his hand through Caboose's floppy hair and kissed his temple. "Okay."

Caboose sighed and snuggled closer. "I am going to make this the best birthday ever."

"Of all time?" David teased.

Mikey nodded. "Of all the times. Now, hush, it is cuddling time not talking time."

David smiled and buried his nose in Caboose's hair. "Okay." He slid his hand up and down Caboose's ribs until the younger man grabbed his hand and turned over, pulling him around to spoon him. "Bossy," he teased.

Caboose just glared, then sighed. "I guess it can be talking time. I love you, Agent David Church Washingtub."

"I love you, too, Michael J. Caboose." David smiled.

~O~

 _ **A/N: And with this and Fragments of a Whole, my Camp NaNo word count is officially up to 22k!**_

 _ **Let me know what you think!**_

 _ **Namarie!**_


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